


hold on to me (i'm a little unsteady)

by joshriku



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Canon, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, dimitri is in love. felix is in love. andd they're both in need of contact whatever shall we do, intense handholding can leave you to places if you try hard enough!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 09:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21508933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshriku/pseuds/joshriku
Summary: “You have your Dimitri face on.”“My—my what?”“Your Dimitri face,” Sylvain replies easily, “It’s that face you get when you’re thinking about something weird he did. Your eyes look cloudy and your eyebrows are furrowed, and your face in general looks like you haven’t been to the bathroom in a while.”“I—I don’t have a face for him,” Felix snaps back, “that’s utterly stupid.”Felix and Dimitri find comfort in an unexpected way.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 42
Kudos: 362





	hold on to me (i'm a little unsteady)

**Author's Note:**

> i told myself 'no sleep until u finish this' and now it's 2:22am. i wrote this very quickly i'm sorry abt oocisms ; _ ;

The first time it happens, Felix considers it an accident. And why wouldn’t it be? Both him and Dimitri are not insane about physical contact. The situation also presents itself quite as an accident, so he leaves it as it should be: nothing to be dwelled on.

Except, like a hypocrite, he dwells on it.

It replays inside his mind like a pleasant memory, when it shouldn’t be.

There is nothing out of the ordinary from the scene. He had managed to knock over Dimitri after a sparring match, and in this day and age where they can see each other in amicable terms again – even if Felix’s pride hadn’t let him say it, they _were_ friends again – Felix could lend him a hand to stand up.

It’s nothing out of the ordinary. If he feels like it, he also offers his hand to other sparring partners he’s had.

This, somehow, manages to be out of the ordinary. Of course it is – when it comes to Dimitri and him, Felix needs to expect the extraordinary, always. Nothing that’s ever about them comes easy, as he has noticed.

“You are as sharp as ever,” Dimitri clasps his hand, not making an extra effort to stand up. He’s looking up to Felix with _that_ damned smile of his; the one that always conveyed friendliness and warmth. “You raise hell every time we spar, my friend. I would loathe to be on the receiving end of an actual match against you.”

Felix huffs, “I’m keeping you on your toes. How could the kingdom survive, knowing that the King keeps losing every match against his advisor?”

“If the people know I am going against my advisor, then I am certain they would understand why I lost. You are not unpopular, Felix. Your reputation precedes you.”

“ _What_ , the one that I’m really cold? That my tongue is as sharp as a knife? I heard plenty of reputations.”

Dimitri still hasn’t let go of his hand. Felix knows he should protest – they’ve been sparring, for goddess’ sake, their hands aren’t quite clean for this to last for as long as it is. It’s equally confusing, though. When was the last time they had held hands?

Rather, when was the last time Felix had held someone’s hand like this?

“I hear different things,” Dimitri continues, “All about what a strong warrior you are.”

Now Felix can no longer ignore it. “When are you going to stand up? Do you think we have all day?”

Almost as if he was electrocuted, Dimitri drops his hand, deciding to stand up on his own. Felix looks down at his hand, weirded out. Did something happen? He retrieved it like a scared animal.

“My apologies,” Dimitri dusts off his cloak, not meeting Felix’s eyes. “I got carried away. The floor can be quite the comfortable place, did you know? Hah, you likely are not familiar with it – I imagine you walk away victorious from every sparring session.”

“Cut it out,” Felix snaps, because he is not going to be embarrassed by Dimitri of all people. “You talk so much.”

“People find it to be charming, although I should know you are not quite like others,” and he’s _still_ not looking at Felix.

“Dimitri,” he says, abusing his power a little – the name-dropping always gets him to look. Proving his point, Dimitri looks up almost immediate, locking his eye with Felix. It is surprising how he can resemble a surprised dog sometimes. “You’re acting odd.”

“Ah, worry not, Felix. I assure you I feel quite well,” Dimitri’s lips curl up, and Felix has a hard time not believing him, even if it is because he’s not sure what he’s accusing him of. “In fact, this has revitalized my spirit to keep working. I have a load of papers to attend to.”

Felix wants to say something.

He wants to ask, _what caused the behavior shift? Why are you so weird after letting go of my hand?_

It seems odd to do it, so Felix swallows down his need to get answers, and nods at Dimitri. They make a promise to meet up later for dinner and then Felix watches him go back to his quarters.

Felix brings up his hand, the one Dimitri held, and stares at it.

Dimitri’s hands are bigger than his, and yet, they seemed to hold Felix’s own with so much determination, a grip stronger than the ones he’s used to.

It felt…

It did not feel bad, if anything.

And that brings him to today. The feeling of holding Dimitri’s hand haunts Felix, when it shouldn’t. He pushes it down, down, squashes it before it evolves into something else that he managed to lock away for ages.

Yet, today’s sparring partner is Sylvain.

He seems to be taken back to the same situation with Dimitri, with him feeling kind enough to put out a hand for Sylvain. Sylvain says, “Aw, you’re offering _me_ your hand? _Knew_ you had a soft spot for me,” but takes it and stands up, dropping after a second.

Nothing like Dimitri’s mess of stares and smiles. Nothing like that mess of prolonged hand-holding and weird behaviors that followed it.

“Hello, earth to Felix?” Sylvain waves his hand in front of him. “Jeez, did I hit you that hard on the head?”

“That’d imply you landed a blow on me, you half-pint.”

“Tough words coming from _you_ , but anyways, I knew it didn’t have anything to do with me. You have your Dimitri face on.”

“My—my what?”

“Your Dimitri face,” Sylvain replies easily, “It’s that face you get when you’re thinking about something weird he did. Your eyes look cloudy and your eyebrows are furrowed, and your face in general looks like you haven’t been to the bathroom in a while.”

“I—I don’t have a face for him,” Felix snaps back, “that’s utterly stupid. I was thinking about…”

Sylvain stares at him, expectant, knowing very damn well the bullshit he’s about to spill.

“Going to the library. Annette made a new song and I’m trying to remember the lyrics.”

“Sure,” Sylvain is absolutely mocking him in his head. “If you say so, Felix.”

“I do say so,” Felix adds, saving his sword back, and leaving without saying any other word.

Sylvain aside, at least he knows now that whatever happened with Dimitri was a bit odd.

As children, as best friends, Felix remembers very well dragging Dimitri around everywhere. Hand in hand seemed to be the only way to go for them, always finding each other and fitting perfectly together.

Felix looks at his hand again. How _long_ had it been since those moments? And, more shocking, was he… missing it?

He couldn’t be thinking about this because of a fucking sparring match now, could he?

He used it as an excuse, but maybe visiting Annette could take his mind off it.

“Oh, you have your Dimitri face,” Annette says as soon as he steps into the library, being alert of her surroundings for once. “You wanna talk about it?”

“I—I _don’t_ have a Dimitri face,” Felix replies, exasperated. “Never mind. I’ll be on my way.”

“No, wait! Felix! Come back!”

= = =

“I assumed I could find you here,” comes Dimitri’s voice, as it always does.

Felix doesn’t turn around. He hears him loud and clear – he’s away from the music and partying going on inside. He still has one drink in his hand, though, party be damned; he’ll just hold his own in the backyard.

“Shouldn’t you be over there?” Felix jerks his head back at the party. “You _are_ the king, after all. You’re the main attraction.”

Dimitri walks closer until he’s standing in front of Felix, tall and big and _always_ confusing Felix. Dimitri smiles, even if it comes out a bit tired. “I wanted to get away, too. Celebrations tend to tire me out quicker than one would expect. Politeness and cordiality can only get you so far in these events.”

Felix chuckles, “What a life of struggles you lead.”

Dimitri laughs, shortly, “I surely do, Felix.” He pauses, staring at Felix like _that_ again – the way that Felix can’t quite decipher its meaning. “What have you been doing here, if you do not mind me asking?”

“Nothing,” he replies. “Had a drink, decided to admire the weather out.”

“Hm,” Dimitri looks up. “It is quite beautiful out here.”

He cannot help it – his eyes divert to his hands. What would it be like if he reached out and held it?

“What do you think about this new event?” Dimitri asks, breaking the silence once more. “I thought it might be a nice change of pace for all the citizens to incorporate a new ball. An opportunity to practice our unity, and to make everyone have fun.”

“It’s nice,” Felix concedes. “Not my thing. I remember… six years ago, all our classmates would be excited for that stupid ball the Academy held.”

Dimitri smiles, fond. “Ah, yes. I authorized the event with the hopes it would be reminiscing of those days, and with the hopes it would carry the same excitement for everyone. I take it that it worked?”

“Yeah, it did.” And because he can blame it on his drink, he adds, “You’re doing well, Dimitri.”

“Ah,” Dimitri startles, and it’s funny because he’s so _big_ , yet the tiniest jump could be amusing. “To what – to what do I owe this compliment?”

“Just accept it,” Felix looks at the sky again. It’s beautiful here. “There was a time where I’d never say that to you, of all people. But now – you deserve it.”

Dimitri makes a noise. He’s surprised, clearly, and Felix is surprising himself – maybe the alcohol should be put away for good. He’s saying too much, his brain is forgetting about the filter. If he keeps it up, he’s going to regret it.

“Thank you, truly, Felix. You have… you have no idea how much your words mean to me,” Dimitry says. “I had been hoping to become a king worthy of people’s praise, worthy of people’s love, and most importantly – worthy of your respect. You—”

“You’re embarrassing me,” Felix cuts in. “Giving my words too much weight.”

“They weigh just right, Felix.”

He’s too intoxicated for this talk. Felix eyes his hands again, gloved, and wonders what it’d be like if he were to simply slip his own with Dimitri’s. What would it be like if he held it with no layers between them? If their fingers interlocked?

“Felix? Are you all right?” Dimitri looks alarmed now. “I apologize if I came off too strongly with my words. I do not wish to put such pressure on you—”

“Shut _up_ , Dimitri,” Felix snaps. “You think too much.”

“I am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” and finally listening to his kind of intoxicated brain, he holds Dimitri’s hand and tugs him down on the floor. “Be quiet. Let’s watch the stars.”

“I—” Dimitri breathes out. “You…”

Felix doesn’t remove his hand and neither does Dimitri.

They still fit perfectly together.

The next day, of course, Felix can’t forget what happened.

He didn’t drink enough to get hangover or to let it do the _forgetting_ part, and clearly, neither had Dimitri.

Dimitri looked like he wanted to talk about it – always looking at Felix like he wanted to interrupt his sentence and ask him about last night. It’s so stupid, acting like they did something unspeakable of, something unthinkable.

“Dimitri has his _Felix_ face,” Sylvain says later, over lunch, “and _you_ have your Dimitri face to the max. Did you guys finally kiss or?”

“What? No!” Felix exclaims, outraged. “What is wrong with—you absolute fool. Of course we didn’t – we wouldn’t!”

“Damn, yeah, I can tell you didn’t smooch. You’re cranky as hell.”

“Fuck _off_ , Sylvain.”

Sylvain gasps. “You’re so lucky Mercedes isn’t here. You bet I’m telling her you said the F word for the swear jar.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “Are you done mocking me, you ass?”

“The _A_ word. Man, you’re making her rich.” Sylvain winks. “Look, I won’t pry, because I know even if I do you won’t tell me anything. And if I ask Dimitri, it might come with a side dish of self-depreciation and twisting of events, so, truly, who do I trust here? Whatever’s going on, just, I _assure_ you it’s not as deep as you think it is.”

Felix huffs, “See you, Sylvain.”

“Wait, you won’t pay—Felix! It’s your turn to pay! Aw, man.”

As the goddess would have it, he _does_ have to see Dimitri today, and quite plenty. As the advisor, it is in his job description to attend the meetings Dimitri has, and to offer his words whenever they’re required. More than often, Felix does more than his job intends him to: Dimitri is always open to criticism, but some people seem to think criticism equals shitting on him. And as usual, his Majesty is way too fucking _nice_ to ever say anything, so Felix gets the job done.

Today, though, it goes quite smoothly. Felix only wants to rip out his hair twice, which is an advance.

Once the meeting comes to an end and Dimitri dismisses everyone, Felix stays. Dimitri’s eyebrows raise up and then his face relaxes. “Felix. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Stop calling my presence a pleasure,” Felix fires quickly.

“Ah, I only speak the truth,” Dimitri smiles. “Thank you for your work today at the meeting. Truly, I do not know where I’d be without your insight.”

“Pretty damn lost,” he answers, and before Dimitri gets an opening to compliment him even more, he carries on: “I’m going to help you schedule next week’s meetings.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t bother,” Dimitri speaks, gentle, raising his hand. “I can handle it—”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Felix intercepts, grabbing the hand and putting it down. “I’ll help.”

That leaves Dimitri speechless.

It’s obvious one of them should address that.

It’s _not_ going to be Felix. He’s already doing enough by touching Dimitri’s hands that many fucking times. He knows it’s going to be Dimitri – it’s something so _Dimitri_ to be dying to speak about them holding hands and physical contact, so he hangs around as much as possible.

He even brings the tea, for fuck’s sake!

Finally, when he’s about to give up on this stupid situation, Dimitri speaks up.

“Felix. This might sound a bit stupid, so, please bear with me while I say this…”

He looks at Dimitri, urging him to go on.

“I have noticed that recently, you… ah, never mind. This is quite ridiculous.”

“No, what is it? Out it with.”

Dimitri sighs. “That you… you have been initiating some of the physical touches between us,” he pauses, almost like he’s looking for signs of mockery in Felix’s face. Felix isn’t giving away anything. “Now, I know it must be casual to you, but for me—you must understand, this… I have not been physical with anyone in a while, and especially with you. So… please, if…”

Felix tilts his head.

“If… if you perhaps happen to be doing these by mistake, I advise you to keep an eye out on your actions.”

He swallows down the fit of anger that overcomes him. “I’m the advisor here, your Majesty.”

“Felix…”

“Answer one thing: does it bother you?”

“Bother me?”

“The – the touches. Do they bother you?”

Dimitri licks his lips. “They do not. They are more than welcomed, especially from you. Perhaps, if I may request, a little warning before them?”

Felix snorts. “Like what? _I’m gonna hold your hand now_?”

“If you put it that way, it does sound stupid. Forget I asked you.”

“I’m not mocking,” he continues. “I’ll do it. You did not ask me to give you a kidney, Dimitri. Don’t act like it’s a big deal.”

Dimitri smiles, grateful, and Felix wants to do more than hold his hand.

= = =

He should have known this.

He should have known that it was never going to be only hand-holding. Maybe, deep inside him, he did it so it _would_ escalate to something more than it, and yet… now that it is happening, it feels terrifying. Exhilaratingly terrifying.

Having talked about it gives Dimitri power, somehow. It gives him the initiation to touch Felix, careful, like Felix will shrug him off and look at him with disgust. His fingers are always gentle, brushing against Felix’s arm, looking for consent – and he finds it on Felix not shrugging him off, not turning away, but welcoming the touch.

It makes him happy.

And though, it’s hard to admit it, it makes Felix’s chest feel light, carefree.

It doesn’t happen much in the eyes of everyone – only whenever they’re alone. It’s funny, because it’s not like they are hiding a deeper relationship or exchanging hidden kisses.

(Although, Felix finds it he would not mind that.)

One night in particular is when Felix’s wish comes true. For as tall and as big that Dimitri might be, Felix finds that after working for so long, he needs more help than he lets on knowing. It’s something he’s learned after being by his side non-stop after the war again, and thank the goddess for that because Dimitri is too _stubborn_ to ever ask for help.

“Next time you pretend you don’t need help,” Felix says, holding Dimitri against him as they walk upstairs to Dimitri’s chambers, “I will personally cut you in half so you _do_ yell out for help.”

“Delightful as ever, I see,” Dimitri chuckles, amused, arm around Felix’s shoulders. “Thank you, Felix. I apologize for the hassle.”

“It’s not a hassle,” Felix decides to say. If he tackles the self-deprecation issue, he’ll be here all night, so he moves on. “We’re here.”

Dimitri lets him go, and the warmth he brought to Felix’s body is missed in a second.

However, Dimitri’s hand lands on his shoulder. He is close, close enough for Felix to still feel the warmth radiating off his body.

“Thank you, again,” Dimitri begins. “I truly am sorry you have to see me in such a state. This fatigue is fairly common, so I would not worry if I were you. I am—”

It’s somewhere along the ramble that Felix does it. Leans up and kisses Dimitri, and pulls back as soon as he does it, like Dimitri’s lips were on fire.

Dimitri’s eye widens immensely, and Felix _knows_ his own face is going to explode from how red it is. “Felix?”

“W- _what_ ,” Felix isn’t stuttering. He’s furious, embarrassed, and flushed to the fucking core. How could he have let himself go like that? He’s ridiculous. “I’m leaving. Good night—”

He doesn’t get to let go out of Dimitri’s grip. He is reduced speechless when Dimitri brings his hand to his face, fingers tracing his jawline with the utmost delicacy. Dimitri leans down and kisses him, chaste, and Felix has forgotten how to exist.

It is almost pathetic, the way his chest comes undone, like something he’s been yearning for so long has happened at last.

(And maybe it did).

Dimitri breaks away, his grip on Felix’s face almost like a phantom. Felix can’t control his facial expression – his eyes are big, round, and he’s out of breath.

“I have wanted to do that for a very long time now,” Dimitri speaks, softly, his thumb gently rubbing Felix’s cheekbones. “I do hope you do not feel like you are committing a mistake.”

Felix is unable to speak.

He knows if he speaks, he’s going to snap at Dimitri – ask him _why_ it would be a mistake if he initiated it, how could any of this be a mistake—

He leans up once more and kisses Dimitri properly now, hands around his neck, lips moving as gently as possible, even if Felix feels the absolute opposite of it: he wants nothing more than to let go, but this is Dimitri’s pace.

He realizes he made a good decision when they break away again and Dimitri comes to rest his head on Felix’s shoulder. “I… I need to catch my breath. I have never… I have never done this before.”

Felix’s hand comes up to his hair. Soft.

“I understand,” Felix speaks. “This isn’t a mistake.”

Dimitri laughs a bit, the sound of it against Felix’s neck making him shudder. “I am so, so glad you think that.”

“You are _such_ a fool.”

“That, I am,” Dimitri mumbles, but it isn’t filled with the usual self-hatred tone. “Would it be too much to ask you to stay the night here?”

Felix gulps. “No, it wouldn’t be too much.”

“Wonderful.”

Dimitri doesn’t touch him more, though. He only kisses him goodnight, and even though he struggles – he wants to make sure Dimitri gets some sleep – Felix falls asleep first.

The next day, it’s almost like everyone can see it written on his face – _I kissed Dimitri and slept on his bed._

Sylvain looks beyond worried. “Dude, what happened? You got in a big fight with Dimitri?”

“What? No.”

“Are you sure? It’s written all over your face.”

He did quite the opposite than fighting Dimitri.

“Guess you can’t read me as well as you assume, Sylvain.”

“No, I’m definitely right,” Sylvain squints, scrutinizing Felix’s face. “It’s the Dimitri face, just heightened. Something happened.”

“Quit it, you idiot. Nothing happened!”

Sylvain frowns. “Fine, fine. But if it’s something bad, I hope it fixes itself soon.”

Felix rolls his eyes. “Shut up and eat your meal.”

It is not terrifying at night, when Dimitri closes the doors behind them, and pulls Felix into a kiss that makes his toes curl. He pulls his lips away from Felix’s, kissing down his jaw, down his neck.

“You are _so_ beautiful,” Dimitri mumbles against his neck, and Felix can feel the blush spreading towards his body. “I cannot believe that this is happening.”

His hands roam Felix’s body, shaky and uncertain, true to his word: it’s almost like he’s scared this isn’t happening at all. He’s the one to set the pace, then, connecting their lips once more as he slowly starts undressing Dimitri.

“Felix,” Dimitri gasps when Felix unbuttons his shirt, kissing down his shoulder and collarbones. “I—I can’t, more than this…”

Felix understands, of course.

“Don’t worry,” Felix gives him a small smile, and the way Dimitri’s eye widens at that is quite comical. “I will stop here. I am trying to get us comfortable for bed.”

Dimitri smiles back. “Thank you.”

True to his word, Felix finishes undressing him down to his underwear, planting butterfly kisses on the exposed skin, but not going further than he should. In turn, he strips off the rest of his clothes, unties his hair, and gets on the bed next to Dimitri.

This time, Dimitri puts one elbow up, resting his face on his palm as he stares down at Felix.

Felix hits him with a pillow.

“What? What are you _staring_ at?”

Pulling the pillow away with a laugh and bringing his other hand up, Dimitri tucks Felix's hair behind his ear.

“You,” Dimitri says, quietly. “I have loved you for so long, it is quite groundbreaking to have you here like this.”

The confession slips out of him so easily, like he had it prepared under his sleeve. It’s almost like he had _always_ meant to say this, rehearsed it countless of times, and yet Felix’s breath catches on his throat all the same.

He doesn’t have a heartfelt, touching confession to make. He’s loved Dimitri for so long, he ran out of poetic metaphors, so he replies: “I can say the same about you.”

Dimitri has the audacity to look shocked. “You love me?”

“Of course,” Felix replies, quiet.

“I… I thought you hated me, for so long.”

Felix hums. “I can’t deny those feelings, either. I just think… I’ve loved you all the same, either way, despite other feelings overlapping.”

Dimitri looks like he could fucking cry and Felix would rather not have that, really.

“Don’t cry, Dimitri, you’re ugly as hell when you do.”

Succeed – Dimitri snorts. “All right. If only to not haunt you with my crying face.”

“So considerate.” His hair is still played with. “If you keep this up, I’m going to fall asleep.”

Dimitri’s grin is all sorts of calming, even if Felix doesn’t want to admit it. “It will be a privilege to see you fall asleep.”

“You creep.”

“I intend it with the _purest_ intentions—”

Felix kisses him and he shuts up so quickly, he writes it down for future reference.

Sylvain looks _relieved_ the next day. “I’m glad you and Dimitri worked everything out.”

Felix frowns. “I am quite astounded that you keep this up, thinking you know _everything_ about my life.”

“Well, you know – it’s written on your face. So what now? You guys smooching yet?”

Felix remains silent for a second too long. “No.”

“Holy shit,” Sylvain gapes, obviously having figured it out. “ _Holy shit_.”

“Swear jar,” Felix reminds, but doesn’t deny the obvious.

“ _Holy shit_.”

= = =

Maybe it’s the effect after their _activities_ that makes Felix be the one playing with Dimitri’s hair, for once.

“Thank you, Felix,” Dimitri slurs out, oddly sleepy.

“Are you… thanking me for sex?”

“No, although it was quite wonderful,” Dimitri grins, “I am thanking you for being like this. Your touch… it brings me a whole new layer of comfort I did not know I needed.”

Felix halts his movements for a second, thinking about how much it applies to him as well. Instead, he leans down and presses a kiss to Dimitri’s forehead. “Sleep well.”

And for once, he’s the one watching Dimitri fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> woop thank you so much for reading!! sorry if anything is hard to read or super off. i've never written these boys before. thank you again!! 
> 
> [tumblr](http://joshrikus.tumblr.com/)  
> [twitter](http://twitter.com/joshriku/)  
> 


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